Unforeseen obstacles

April 7, 2011 (about 7am) – Somewhere along the ride Aboy stopped to get coffee. I thought I heard him say “Get up Boo! I have coffee!” Apparently (according to Aboy), my response was a “MMMPH” and I did the rollover.

It wasn’t long before the cab of the truck smelled like coffee.  I started moving around and asked (to confirm I wasn’t dreaming) “did you get me coffee?” Aboy said “Right here, Boo!” – pointing to a cup in the cup holder. I got up from Aboy’s bunk, got into the co-pilot seat and drank my coffee.

I’m not really a morning person. I have never really been a morning person, either. Every once in a while, I may get a burst of energy early in the morning – but as a rule, my brain starts to function efficiently at about 9:30 am.  This is what makes living with Aboy pretty comical.  He can wake up in the morning without issue.  He can jump right out of his bunk and into the driver’s seat – and pull off. If I get up to use the bathroom before 6am - I stumble into shit, pee with the light off and walk back to the bed with my eyes closed so I don’t have to disturb my eyeballs for little things like using the bathroom.

So, as I’m sitting in the co-pilot seat, making love to my coffee… Aboy (who’s been up since 4:30) is wide awake and wants to talk. For those that don’t remember… I’m an only child.  I have a gift that I developed at a very young age called “tuning you out”.  I can look right in your face, watch your lips move and the shit you’re saying sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown – “Wah, Wah, Wah…”. I cannot tell you what he said. I honestly don’t remember.

………………

Once the coffee kicked in, I was good.  I needed another cup and a potty.  The last time I used the bathroom was 4:30 am – it’s now almost 8 am. I drank a 20 oz coffee and all the bouncing in the truck feels like it’s pushing the liquid into my bladder like a gutter into a storm drain – I’m about to overflow!

We pull into a gas station. I make the mad dash to the bathroom.  Aboy meets me by the coffee island, I get a refill and life is looking even better with another 20 oz.

Aboy says, “When are you going to brush your teeth?”. 

Honestly, I hadn’t really thought about that. It was one thing I hadn’t given consideration when I made the big decision to be a trucker. Using a bathroom in public is a phobia I’ve overcome over the years.  Driving a cab – if you gotta go… you gotta go! If I had a trip to the city, I would try to hold it until I got back to my house, to the cab stand or try to at least get to Southside (the E.R. bathroom is usually pretty clean).

I shrug my shoulders and walk to the cashier.

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So, when I say I’m “high maintenance”… it’s not because I purchase and wear high cost retail items… it’s because I don’t like icky stuff. I didn’t eat jelly until I was 17 and the only reason I did that was because I had smoked a joint and got the munchies.  There happened to be an episode of the “Little Rascals” on TV and Spanky tagged along on a camping trip and was the only one that thought to bring food.  Bread and jelly. I was high…and that jelly looked good. Jelly is still not a “must have” on the shopping list.

When I was a kid, I wouldn’t eat pancakes because the syrup was sticky. I wouldn’t eat ice pops because they would melt on my fingers. The thought of smelling sewage makes me gag, hearing someone vomit makes me gag and seeing blood – I’m going to pass out.  High maintenance or prissy; same difference.  What makes me laugh at myself – I can beat somebody up with a baseball bat but can’t look at a scrape to put a band-aid on it.

In saying that, it’s really a battle for me to bring myself to brush my teeth in a public bathroom.  UGH!! This is going to be a problem!